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The series, which first premiered 25 years ago today, follows Joan, Maya, Lynn, and Toni, girlfriends who support each other despite their differing backgrounds and challenges. This show depicted black women in similar situations as the white shows popular at the time, like Sex and the City. The girlfriends were not your stereotypical black women and they were all very nuanced. However, the series touched on issues that unequivocally affect black women and the characters took very strong stances about those issues. These characters showed black women in ways that weren't popular before and this gave young viewers like myself a different perspective on being a black woman. 

When I turned 23 I realized I did not have real-life examples of what it looks like to be a single young black woman. Most of the women I knew were married young and/or had children. Neither applied to me and starting a family wasn't a priority at all. I didn't have anyone to look to who was career-focused, or someone who dated throughout their twenties. The unmarried women I knew, for the most part, went off to college and then settled in the cities where they studied. I leaned on my upbringing for decision-making and the media for ideas. It's safe to say my twenties were pretty boring, and I was reminded of these characters' experiences. I rewatched the show as an adult in the workforce and the dating pool. 

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Who were The Girlfriends?

Joan was a lawyer and overachiever who seemingly had it all together but she suffered in her dating life and desperately wanted to be married. She wanted the picture perfect life. In the first episode Joan lies about her age saying… 

     “I’m 29 but according to my life day planner I should have it all by now – the career, the husband, the kids so if I say 26, I've bought myself some time, okay” (Brock Akil, 2000).

She was a child of divorced parents and always wanted to fix things, including her friends' problems. She was constantly forcing herself into their business and had to be told to stay in her place multiple times. Granted her friends would vent to her but her opinion and sometimes actions were not necessary and ended up causing more problems. An example of this is Joan telling Toni’s boyfriend Greg about her regretful engagement to Clay which led to their breakup (Brock Akil et al., 2000). While Toni was wrong for seeing someone else while dating Greg, she broke up with Clay soon after the proposal. Toni never had a chance to confess to Greg herself. During the girlfriend's trip to Jamaica, Joan confessed to telling Greg and Toni slapped her. The season ended on a cliffhanger with Toni and Joan's boyfriend Sean, in Joan's “great room,” in their underwear (Brock Akil & Collier, 2001). This was an all too familiar case of Joan getting involved in things she shouldn't have and facing really big and sometimes unfair consequences. Joan wasn't Greg’s friend, so there was no reason for her to get involved.

Maya; the youngest of the group was Joan’s assistant. She married young to a blue collar husband Darnell, they have one child together, Jabari. She was always comparing herself to her more successful friends, even Lynn who had five degrees. Maya was yearning for something new and had an emotional affair that resulted in one single kiss, which led to her divorce. Some say comparison is the thief of joy. In search of something fulfilling and exciting she lost her marriage which was her stability.

Toni was Joan's oldest friend. She was an ambitious real estate agent and dated for money. She was vain and the world revolved around her, but she was very funny and had connections. To Toni’s defense she was shallow about shallow things. She was clear about her expectations when dating and moved accordingly. Her relationships for the most part were mutually beneficial. She used her beauty to get what she wanted. The men wanted a beautiful woman on their arm and she wanted the money. That only changed for the men she truly loved, Greg and her husband Todd. When it came to her friendships she was very loyal and protective. 

Lynn was a biracial woman who was adopted by a white family. Her insecurities around her racial identity were mentioned often and her friends were her authentic entry into black culture but also a constant reminder that she wasn’t like them. I could not relate to this aspect of her story, and until recently this was her complete identity from my perspective.

Even though the girlfriends were in their thirties, this show was canon to how I approached my twenties, friendships, and romantic relationships. From the opening sequence to their chats over wine, I admired them. I loved the fashion, how they would joke with each other without getting upset. I even admired their relationships despite how dysfunctional they seem because at the end of the day they were always loved. Growing up it seemed that unmarried relationships resulted in very harsh or permanent consequences, while married relationships were never discussed. As the saying goes, “stay out of married folks business”. Any glimpse into a lifestyle that you didn't have direct experience with came from the media. 

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I saw myself in Joan at a young age.

Joan was really influenced by patriarchy and while powerful at work she often tried to prove herself worthy in her male dominated workplace. In contrast, she valued traditional gender roles in her romantic life and was the epitome of the “hostess with the mostess”. Anytime her childhood was mentioned, it was emphasized that she was by the book and never rebelled. During a game of Never Have I Ever, at Joan's 30th birthday celebration, she expressed that she never did anything. She entered her brief rebellious phase by visiting a nudist beach, which was also frequented by her friend Lynn and to everyone's surprise, Joan's father. Joan felt like she was the only one who didn't have any experiences and was yearning for spontaneity. 

As someone who was always praised for my accomplishments, I related to Joan. I was very career focused and did everything by the book. I believe, I granted myself more grace to have fun and make mistakes in my college years which resulted in me not yearning for a rebellious phase at the age of 30. I’m actually looking to create a life of creativity and stability. In the first episode where Joan expressed her frustrations about her life, I took that as a foreshadowing for my life, and as I got older I always expected that to be my reality. Weird right, because why was I thinking about that as a child. Well, looking back I realized that married people didn't make sense to me as a kid. All the married women I knew growing up didn't really have an identity outside of their family. But in this series, these women felt more real  and more relatable than the married women I knew growing up.

I followed the rules and did not rebel unless I felt the rule was discriminatory. For example, my predominantly white private high school had a rule that we couldn’t wear earrings wider than the diameter of a quarter. I felt like this was so racist and took every chance I could to break it. After I graduated, I came back for an art show and wore the biggest earrings I had. I was so tired of being around white people, when it came time to apply for college, I applied to 10 HBCUs, and 3 CUNYs. I got into all of the schools I applied for and graduated from Lincoln University, the first degree granting historically black university in the United States. Is this more like Joan or Lynn?

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Arguably, Lynn was the most objective and valued her relationships.

Lynn was always dismissed as the freeloader of the group, and she was. However, they were all moochers at some point, even William. But many elders would say, that is friendship. A lot of sacrifice has to be made to have long lasting relationships. The late and well respected music manager and executive Hovain often said "The first rule in business is everyone loses the same”. This applies to romantic relationships, business partnerships, and lifelong friendships. 

Lynn could never get herself together and was more focused on chasing desire than improving her life. I honestly would forget about Lynn because I was too preoccupied with analyzing the other characters in their drama. For example, how will I negotiate my prenup when I get married like in William and Yvonne’s case? Even this— is a Lynn thing, I'll explain that later.

Arguably, Lynn was the most objective friend and the voice of reason among the girls. She did more listening than talking and was quick to apologize and forgive. Lynn was straightforward and played devil's advocate often. She would remind them of things they hadn’t considered in their side of the story. When the girlfriends were fighting, Lynn was always available to be the “we’re still friends” friend. However, they rarely checked on Lynn emotionally. Sometimes I felt like she was their punching bag, whenever their lives were not going as planned. It was like, at least I'm not doing as bad as Lynn. Joan was co-dependent and more concerned with being right. Toni was self-centered and would make the conversation about herself. Maya was very judgmental and when Darnel called, sis was gone. Even though, yes Lynn needed a place to stay, Lynn was emotionally accommodating when the girlfriends needed someone to talk to. Some might say the other girlfriends were just busy, but throughout Lynn's various weird jobs and explorations she made time to show up for her friends. 

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Lynn was the most open to change and valued freedom of expression.

Lynn was trying to find the thing that aligned with her values. I can see that being difficult to navigate, considering Joan, Maya , and Toni seemed to have it all together. I think the thing she could own was being a supportive friend who was always available in the time of need. In an interview with the Breakfast Club the creator, Mara Brock Akil, shared that Lynn represented something that wasn't popular during the time. For black women to be loved, they had to absolutely know who they were. Lynn was often questioning her identity and purpose in life, but she was still loved. I am working through that concept now. When I entered the workforce I was determined to “make it”. I want a great career and so I could pay for the nice wardrobe, the experiences, and climb the “creative ladder”. My goal was to always be in a creative business and be successful. 

After experiencing the setbacks I discussed in previous canon entries linked below, I am trying to embrace asking for help. I recently experienced a very hurtful attack where I was called a mooch and accused of being in people's packets. This was hurtful because I avoided asking for help when I really needed it for years because my pride couldn't handle even being seen as a freeloader. Sometimes I wonder if I would've asked for help sooner would I have gotten into as deep of a situation as I was in. Mutual aid involves community members voluntarily exchanging resources and services to meet shared needs. In retrospect I was very much supported by my “village” and in recent years I felt neglected and even abused by it. 

My friend group is a lot smaller. There were many times in my twenties when I wondered when I would have the supportive and honest friendships that the girlfriends had. The girlfriends showed up, even William. They showed up in neighborhoods they weren't familiar with to support the new house or apartment. They showed up to the opening, the art shows, and the panel event to support their friends endeavors. Sure they might have been dealing with their own personal issues, or maybe even some insecurities or feelings of jealousy but they always showed up.

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Lynn was analyzing (some say judging her friends).

Throughout the series, it is mentioned that Lynn holds five degrees, all in the social sciences. While it was not confirmed, the degrees mentioned were Psychology, English Literature, Anthropology, African American Studies, and Political Science. When you have extensive knowledge in any subject, you find yourself analysing your experiences. With my design knowledge, I am constantly picking apart designed experiences, including websites and mobile apps. As someone who studied communications as a minor, I can identify a lack of media understanding, especially in this current political climate. Now that I am older, I can see that Lynn was using her knowledge in psychology and analyzing her friends. She was the therapist of the group and held a mirror up to their face whether they liked it or not.

I realized that I try to rush through my problems or bury them in distractions, which for me was always work. I believe that Lynn was trying to distract herself from her own emotions. She wanted to express herself, sometimes it looked like she was crying out for help in her weird job explorations.

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Lynn will always treat herself.‍

One scene that resonates so deeply with me is from season 2 episode 4 when the girlfriends were in a luxury clothing boutique and convinced Maya to buy a $300 dress. Lynn will always treat herself. “Sometimes you have to put it out there, and trust that the universe will provide”. Season 2 Episode 4. 

I will always treat myself, especially after working hard at my low-wage job. I always have enough for a treat and the universe will provide and protect.

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Maybe like Joan, I need to explore more.‍

While Lynn was labeled the freeloader of the group, I can argue that Lynn had different values than the other girlfriends. Joan valued image and traditional norms. Toni valued money more than emotional connection, while Maya had an unhealthy case of "Keeping up with the Joneses" (her more successful girlfriends). Lynn valued experiences, relationships, and freedom of expression. 

I entered my thirties feeling very reflective and mournful about the life and relationships I thought I would have. I am also committed to creating the life I really want. Maybe I'm in my Toni era, when she started her luxury real estate agency, or maybe my Mya era, when she wrote 'Oh Hell Yes.' Perhaps I'm in my Lynn era, pursuing art and trusting that the universe will provide and protect.

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Works Cited

Brock Akil, M. (Writer). (2001, May 7). Loose Lips Sink Relationships (S. Epps, Director) (Season 1, Episode 21) [TV series episode]. In Girlfriends. Happy Camper Productions.

Brock Akil, M., Brown, M. A., LaDuke, D., & Collier, K. (Writers). (2000, September 11). Toe Sucking (L. R. Garner Jr., Director) (Season 1, Episode 1) [TV series episode]. In Girlfriends. Happy Camper Productions.

Brock Akil, M., & Collier, K. (Writers). (2001, May 14). Jamaic-Up? (S. Epps, Director) (Season 1, Episode 22) [TV series episode]. In Girlfriends. Happy Camper Productions.