Cheyenne Yvette
Art and Culture Archive
Art and Culture Archive
At thirty years old, after facing underemployment, financial insecurity, and many personal losses, I’ve realized many things.
When I was in the 5th grade, I won a visual arts award. It was from the New York City Department of Environmental Protection’s water conservation efforts. I drew an image consisting of all the ways we use water. I was selected alongside a classmate, who wrote a poem. We got to take a day off from school to see our work displayed in a big auditorium in Downtown Manhattan. This planted a seed in me. I am an artist!
2. I attached too much of my self-worth to my accomplishments.
Growing up, all I had going for myself were my grades and drawing. I got good grades, of course, I am going to get a good job and be successful. I was always praised for my awards and honors, and it gave me life. Like many millennials who were in the “exceptionally gifted class”, I am struggling with not being the achiever I once was. I go to bed every day tired from working, but feeling like a failure because I can’t afford anything that makes someone “a success”. Despite how helpless I sometimes feel, I am grounded by my family, who remind me that I have my health, a place to sleep, and a job. My parents constantly tell me that I’m too hard on myself, it could be worse, and that everything will work out eventually.
I am an artist! I graduated from Lincoln University with a degree in Visual Arts. I’m from New York City, Queens specifically, home to many art institutions. Despite being a train and or bus ride away, these institutions still felt so inaccessible. I went to school for exposure to art and options that I did not have access to at home. I studied graphic design in high school and again as an undergraduate because it was the perfect option to complete my coursework. Graphic design was also the most practical way to make a living while I pursued art. During my studies in the Visual Arts program, the principles and elements of design were ingrained into me. Art is design; however, not all design is art. I left Lincoln’s campus with profitable design skills and a better understanding of what was possible as an artist.
3. I’ve lost sight of what I wanted.
I am very confident in my design abilities and believe that if you truly understand design, you can apply those principles in any medium. While I am a great designer and was very successful early in my career, I am an artist.
I am an artist!
By this point, I should be considered a “mid-career professional artist”. Here are some of the requirements for the goals I was once pursuing.
Mid-Career Printer Criteria
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, a mid-career artist does the following.
I continued to create art and exhibit, but I have not made as much artwork as I wanted to. While I have sold some art pieces, I have not made a livable wage from art. After getting laid off in 2020, I spent more time upskilling as a designer and pursuing a design job than applying for grants to create more art. In my mind, if I get a high-paying design job, I can afford more resources and free up time to pursue my art. Instead, I just ended up applying for design job after design job and getting rejection after rejection. I’ve been working low-wage jobs since 2022 and drove myself deeper and deeper into depression. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve gotten an MFA instead of the graduate degree I pursued. Beyond the specialized training, MFA programs provide dedicated time to create a robust art portfolio. I had a studio space in my first apartment, but it just ended up being an abyss of my drowning “design career” rather than the “live/work artist loft” I tried to make it.
For the last few years, I felt like I was in a mental and emotional paralysis. I couldn’t decide what to do next. I would just go to work, come home, and worry myself to sleep. In January of 2023, I went to an art show as a spectator. I went to two exhibitions during First Fridays in Downtown Raleigh. I enjoyed most of the artwork and had some great conversations. There were other times I asked, “Why wasn’t I up there?”. “Why can’t I get into any of these exhibitions?” I cried in the Artspace bathroom that evening. I felt so out of place and asked myself, “Where did I go wrong?” Well, I’ve spent the last five years of my life prioritizing a high-paying design job and neglecting my art.
4. I can do anything!
After experiencing some of the worst losses and financial hardships of my life, I realized I can handle more than I thought, and I can always start over. My plans were safe. I spent more time pursuing the “safe” option and neglecting what I wanted, which still resulted in financial insecurity. I was trying to avoid being a “starving artist” and ended up some nights being a “starving artist”. You might ask, “Why are you still pursuing this when it hasn’t worked?”
5. I am an artist, I am an artist, I am an artist!
My mental stability is directly dependent on my consistent creation of art. Recently, I’ve been archiving my artwork, and I realized that my worst moments were during a period when I didn’t make any artwork at all. Not even a sketch. My goals for my thirties prioritize my mental and financial stability, and my passion projects are more actionable. If I stay persistent, I will accomplish my goals. I can do anything! (Philippians 4:13)